How do I start separating from my Husband?

How do I start separating from my husband?

The realisation that you are no longer happy in your marriage and deciding to end your relationship can be an incredibly difficult time.  It is common to feel overwhelmed and not know where to start.  It is not easy to think clearly at a time when you are grieving the loss of a relationship whether that was a decision made by you or whether it has come as a complete shock.  In terms of your finances, the aim is to reach an agreement which is fair and reasonable in all of the circumstances.  Each marriage is entirely different and so, there is no clear cut formula to work out who gets what.   Breaking down the process into stages can make it more manageable and easier to digest.

First Stage – Disclosure

Before any consideration can be given as to who gets what, it is important to know what there is in terms of assets, liabilities, income and pensions.  It is quite common for parties to run relatively separate finances and to have no knowledge of their spouses’ financial position such as their credit card debt or the value of their pension.  It is also quite common to not know your own precise financial position, particularly in relation to your pension.

The first step is to gather and exchange financial information, referred to as Disclosure.  Both parties need to know their own financial position and that of their spouse before any decisions can be made.

Some thought will need to be given to the valuation of assets.  The value of assets such as savings is a relatively easy process, a quick review of a bank account statement can provide reliable evidence as to the value.  However, other assets such as property, cars, jewellery or artwork can raise problems.  If there is a level of trust which remains between the parties’ then this can also be a relatively straightforward task.  One party gives an indication of what they believe to be the value for the other party to agree.

However, if distrust has crept in, as it often does, the task becomes more complicated.  One party’s opinion as to the value is met with scepticism, whether rightly or wrongly, and independent expert evidence will need to be obtained to resolve the issue and determine the value.

One of the main assets of a marriage will be the family home and expert evidence may be needed to ascertain its value, particularly if the property is to be transferred to one party as it will not be placed on the open market to find its value.  The starting point would be to obtain three market appraisals and then to try to agree the value, if not an expert report as to the value can be obtained.

In particularly distrustful situations some additional work may need to be done to ensure the information provided is accurate and that assets are not being hidden or spent.

Second Stage – Negotiation

Once both parties have a clear picture of their own financial position and that of their spouses’ they can then start to negotiate to try to reach agreement.  This can be done through mediation where the parties sit down with an impartial mediator to talk through their positions to try to reach agreement.  Alternatively, the negotiations can take place through solicitors who’s role is to provide advice as to reasonable and affordable resolutions to the situation the parties are faced with.  It is incredibly important to instruct a family solicitor who has a wealth of experience of resolving matters, who can assist with providing practical, clear and progressive advice as to how to resolve your financial situation.  The advice should be tailored to you and what you hope to achieve, whether that be trying to protect your pension or retaining the family home, your family solicitor should be able to provide you with support and advice through that negotiation process.  A family solicitor will also point out any weaknesses in your position, perhaps you want to retain the family home but don’t have any evidence to prove that you can afford to pay the mortgage, a good family solicitor will point you in the direction of a mortgage advisor to fill that evidence or information gap.

In some cases, negotiations aren’t successful and the parties will need to ask the Court to intervene to make a decision as to how the finances are split.  The court process should be a last resort as it can be a stressful and expensive process but sometimes it is the only option.  You should take legal advice before embarking on the court process to ensure your case is expertly prepared to give you the best chance of obtaining the outcome you desire.

Third Stage – Agreement/Decision

Once agreement has been reached it is imperative to record your financial agreement as a consent order and have it approved by the Court to bring your financial claims against each other to an end.  If you reach agreement and don’t have an approved consent order then those claims remain live indefinitely, there is no deadline or time limit.  If you don’t have an approved consent order, at any time in the future your ex spouse can bring a claim against you.  This is true even if you are divorced as that is a separate process which deals with your relationship status not your financial circumstances.

The process of applying to have your agreement approved by the Court is usually a paper one, unless the Court has some questions it would like to ask around the terms of the agreement.  The Court can list a Court hearing to allow those questions to be asked, or they can simply pose those questions in writing to the parties, it really depends on the information needed.

Final Stage – Implementation

Once the agreement has been approved the terms will need to be implemented, perhaps the family home is to be transferred or there is a lump sum to be paid from one party to the other.  Further legal advice may be required to transfer the property or to arrange a sale.  The order will usually provide timescales as to when the actions should take place.  It is hoped that if the parties have agreed then they will be co-operative but if not and if deadlines are not adhered to then further work may be necessary to enforce the terms of the agreement.

Article dated: 23/06/2025

Rachael Gromett Family Law Solicitor

Rachael Gromett is a highly experienced Family Solicitor based at our Rotherham office. She has built an excellent reputation, as reflected in glowing client feedback on ReviewSolicitors.co.uk, and she is regularly featured in expert legal videos, including Rotherham Solicitors  

Rachael advises on a wide range of family law matters, including:

• Divorce and Separation
• Pre-Nuptial Agreements and Cohabitation Agreements
• Financial settlements arising from relationship breakdowns
• Child arrangements and parental responsibility

Known for her calm, compassionate manner, Rachael supports her clients through what can often be a complex and emotionally challenging time with clarity, sensitivity, and professionalism.

Rachael graduated from Sheffield Hallam University and qualified in Family Law in 2011.  She was admitted to the Law Society and joined the Solicitors Regulation Authority in 2011.  She is also a committed member of Resolution, reflecting her dedication to constructive, non-confrontational approaches to family law.